Hotel rooms
by Nimyosa
Summary: Ed hates change. Envy loves mischief. So throw the two of them together in a thunderstorn, add a sleezy, two star hotel and a soap dispenser, and you have Ed's worst nightmare. Written as a challenge from my friends


Nimyosa will write a fanfiction with the pairing of:  
**Ed/Envy**  
rated  
**T**  
and must include the following items, or we win the bet:  
** bubbles, calendar, hotel, **

Okay people, that's the challenge, so lets see how well I go, eh? This is kinda the first time any of my friends have ever dared me to do one of these, selfishly adding the randomness items in my room to their favourite characters, and telling me to do it within the hour makes it kinda hard, especially when they are in the same room as I am, so they know I cant exceed the time limit. It also doesn't help when they read over my shoulder and make comments on 'how random I can make my fanfics'. Well, guess what, bitches, YOU dared me to do this, so you had better fucking enjoy this, or I'll KILL YOU!!!

Although I really don't know where to add a calendar into all of this though… Oh, and when I use one of the keywords, it shall be in **bold **so that you people out there can acknowledge my greatness at Fanfiction!! Bwahahahahaha!!!

Hotel rooms 

When one's staying alone in a small **hotel** room, surprises are never appreciated much. Surprises like how the light bulb blew almost as soon as the switch was flicked, or how, when stepping into the room, ones foot caught on a loose fold in the carpet, causing the owner of that foot to trip and fall flat on their face.

Now, Ed had always liked things to be persistent, like sunny weather, the amount of steps taken to walk up the lane of one's house, the picture on the **calendar (BOOYAH!!)**. He had never liked change much, often finding it annoying how hard it was to actually rip the calendar sheet off when it was attached to the others with that clear glue-like substance that his automail had trouble gripping. No, it was safe to say Ed didn't like change.

Which was exactly why, as he picked himself up off the floor, nursing his bruising nose and twisting his leg to pull his automail foot out of the hole in the carpet, Ed decided he extremely disliked Hotel rooms.

"Stupid Mustang…dragging me all the way to Central in the middle of the season's worst thunderstorm and then deciding there is nowhere for me to stay…" He muttered, moodily throwing his old, brown suitcase onto the bed and shrugging off his soaked coat, donning a dull crimson colour through the wetness.

He flicked the light switch a few more times, and sighed dejectedly as the room stayed in its semi-darkness. True, the large window created some form of light, but the sheets of grey rain running down the windows only seemed to make the dull grey clouds beyond look even more miserable.

Ed sat on the musty queen sized bed and pulled his boots off to allow his feet to warm up. In truth, even though the central heating wasn't working its best, his one real foot, and the other automail, where warmer outside than inside the soaking boots he wore.

He cursed gently and bent over so that he was crouching over his left leg, his artificial one, and hugged the section where the skin became metal, trying to bring it heat. The bad weather made the joints ache almost unbearably, rendering him useless. He had to warm up before the joints froze almost entirely. If they did he would have to stay in bed for days before his joints loosened again.

"Argh…" He muttered under his breath. What he needed was a hot shower or something, just to get him warm again. He lifted his head off of his knee and craned it, glad that the bathroom door was open. There was a shower with a bathtub underneath, a toilet and a sink with a hanging mirror on the wall. Secretly, he was impressed that such a small place would accommodate all his needs. The fact his bed was a queen size too also pleased him, so used to sleeping in tight spaces, or on the ground.

He got off the bed, avoiding the hole in the carpet, and walked into the bathroom, flicking the switch experimentally. To his relief, this one didn't have a personal vendetta against him, and he shied momentarily against the bright light.

Sighing softly, and wishing Al was here for company, he turned the knobs for the shower, hot first, then cold, ensuring him the majority would be hot enough to relax his tight muscles.

As he waited for the water to fill the bath, he walked into the dimness of the other room and unclipped his suitcase, pulling out a spare change of clothes to change into once he was dry, and took them into the bathroom, placing them on the closed lid of the toilet before stripping, throwing his wet clothes in a pile in the corner of the room and stepping into the bathtub. He turned the shower off, and lay down in the warm water, craning his head backwards to rest it on the edge of the ceramic bathtub as the warm water ate away at the cold numbness from his joints.

He let out a content 'ahh…' and closed his golden eyes, lying there peacefully for a couple of moments before sitting up again. Now that he was warm, he might as well get out. There was no point in having a bath now, because he would need another one in the morning, so, grunting, he pushed himself up with his arms and stepped out of the tub, reaching over the toilet for a hotel towel, one of those strangely fluffy ones that don't seem natural.

Ed began to dry off, dabbing the ends of his hair that had gotten wet during his warm-up, and continued in drying his body, giving his auto-mail arm and leg extra attention so that they didn't rust the following morning, before reaching down and pulling on a pair of plain light blue boxers. He threw the towel over his shoulders, picked up the rest of his clothes and proceeded on into his bedroom again, once more into the darkness.

As time had progressed, it had gradually gotten darker outside, leaving Ed with only the light from the bathroom to guide him as he avoided holes in the carpet. Once he was beside his bed, he began to hang the wet clothes on the radiator, hoping they would dry by morning, and turned around to go back and drain the bath.

Once doing that, Ed began to unpack his suitcase. He would be in Central for four days at best. He had been in Risembul to let Pinako do a check-up on his automail, and had received a phone call from Colonel Mustang to remind him of this year's Sate Alchemist Assessment.

Hence him being in Central the very next day.

"Stupid assessment. Jeez, I've gotta do most of it tonight so that I can prepare for tomorrow. I'll make the rest of it on the way there, so that I can get at least a _little _sleep." He sighed and leant over the suitcase to try the lamp switch on the bedside table. Upon finding it worked, he resumed to pulling out the contents of his old suitcase. How it hadn't already fallen to pieces under the abuse it had gone during his travels with Al, he didn't know, but he suspected alchemy.

A draught and a heavy banging made the hairs on the nape of his neck prickle, and he turned around swiftly, the assessment papers in one hand, and his other half-raised in case of attack. Standing alone in one's boxers surely didn't make the most invulnerable of stances.

The curtains where billowing softly, and heavy droplets of rain where splattering the old, worn carpet through the vacancy of the open window. It was banging slightly against the frame in the wind, and Ed frowned, not sure wether to be suspicious or thankful that it was only the wind.

His worst fear had been to turn around and see a homunculus, or even Scar, sitting on the windowsill, leering or prepared to attack, but upon finding nobody but the lonely wind, he relaxed a little and clambered over the huge bed to reach it.

He paused for a moment, half sticking his head out the window to glance around, before withdrawing it and pulling the heavy piece of wood and glass shut, making sure to clasp the latch in place.

'_Wait a minute…' _A voice in the back of his mind whispered. '_The latch was still in place! The window had been forcefully opened!!' _His eyes widened, his shoulders stiffened and he whirled around, back pressed against the window ledge to examine the room. As it was before, the room was vacant save for him.

Trembling slightly with a mixture of anticipation and fear, the alchemist slowly eased himself towards the bed. His steps where slow and deliberate, his stance ready to take on any surprise attack, and then he paused.

There was a smell in the air that seemed familiar. It was only the faintest of traces, but it as there, just. And the corners of his mouth curved up into a tired smile. It smelt like alchemy, the faded smell of magic, and countless age tinged with everything the world was created on.

"Its not polite to enter someone's room without permission, Envy." He said aloud, and stood in the bathroom doorway.

Envy's lips curled into a devilish grin and he crossed one leg over the other, placing his elbow on the elevated knee, and his cheek on his hand. The Skirt on his skort was ruffled and wet, as was his hair and half-shirt, but he pretended it wasn't and continued looking sexy whilst sitting on the lid of the white ceramic toilet.

"Why ever not, Chibi-san…?" He purred.

"Envy, get out. I don't have time for this right now. My assessment's tomorrow, and I've got to finish the paperwork and get some rest." Ed sighed and tried to haul the sin to his feet by his hand.

"Wai wai wait! You dont have time… for _me_?" Envy gasped in mock-horror, his hand flying up to his mouth.

"Why are you here? Don't you hate bad weather? How did you get in here anyway?"

"Oh, that. I climbed the drainpipe." Envy answered like it was the simplest thing in the world. Ed sweat-dropped, and then regained his posture.

"Envy, you cant be here! I've got to work on my assessment all night, and then get a bit of a rest! I can't play around with you, okay? Not tonight."

Envy sighed and cupped his face with both hands. "You're mean." He pouted.

"Stop it Envy, you're acting like a child."

"Nyah!" The sin poked his tongue out defensively and got up, walking over to Ed in his long, elegant stride. "I know something we can do that's _way _more fun than work…" He purred seductively and wrapped his long arms around Ed, pulling the smaller of the two into a hug and resting his chin on top of the blonde's head.

"Envy, back off!" Ed growled and tried to pull himself away.

"Come on, Chibi…" Envy whispered into the alchemist's ear, sending shivers down Ed's spine. "Lets have some fun…"

"Don't call me short!!!" Ed snapped and pulled himself away, taking deep breaths to calm himself.

Well, it was obvious Envy wasn't going to leave in a hurry, and Ed had no idea what to do. He couldn't work with the homunculus there, because he knew Envy would be leaning over his shoulder, purposely breathing down his neck or 'accidentally' brushing against the shorter blond every time he moved, but Ed knew that sending the homunculus away, especially now that there was a thunderstorm roaring outside the thick paned windows, it would be unfair to Envy for having travelled all this way just to see him.

"Envy, if I work for a while will you be quiet and not annoy me?" He asked. Envy cocked his head to the side and thought about it. Teasing the alchemist was too much fun to pass up, but with the faded grey colouring underneath Ed's eyes, betraying his lack of recent sleep and stress, he knew Ed was really serious about this, and to take it away from his lover would be unjust.

"Okay…but can I still share your bed? It _is _a queen size after all, and I don't like sleeping alone."

Ed looked at Envy's face, for once not being annoying and immature, but almost pitiful, and smiled gently, hugging the sin softly.

"Sure, but I'll probably get to bed later than you. I completely forgot about the State Alchemist Assessment this year, so I didn't prepare."

Envy hugged the blond back and rested his chin on the other's head.

"Why don't you just beat up Mustang again? That was entertaining…"

"How would you know!?" Ed asked suspiciously, letting go of the sin. Envy poked his tongue out.

"I was there, in disguise. I thought it was hilarious!!"

"So you would…" Ed sighed and turned around again. "I'm going to start working now, so amuse yourself quietly for a while if you aren't sleepy. Tomorrow I'll do my assessment, and then we can go to Dublith for a while. I need to speak to Sensei about something, and Al already knows we're meeting him there. Mkay?"

Envy dipped his head enthusiastically. He liked Izumi. She was great fun to make fun of! And the best thing was, no matter how much she tried to kick the crap out of him, he always came back with a will.

Ed sat down on the edge of his bed and began scribbling some draft notes down onto a notepad in his barely legible handwriting, and Envy began to explore.

He found the wardrobe was rather large, and fit him easily. A sudden idea including himself hiding inside of it and scaring the life out of the cleaner maids popped into mind, but he knew Ed wouldn't be happy knowing Envy had turned himself into a dead corpse just for a practical joke.

Next came the carpet. He bent down on all fours and rubbed it with his palms. It was rather scratchy, and seemed to be of some dark red colour, or a light crimson. His nose wrinkled as he smelt spilt beverages, dust and whatever else had fallen onto it before getting up to inspect the bathroom again.

The mirror was large, covering most of the wall above the sink, and he spent a moment there separating his scruffy green hair back into its original palm-tree like state. Then he spotted the soap dispenser.

It was one of those liquid ones, and another idea popped into mind. Gingerly, he stuck his hand underneath it, and pressed the button. The rose-pink liquid dribbled messily onto his hand, and he rubbed it inside the rim of the sink. Then, he got some more, and did similar, rubbing it around the plughole.

Once he was satisfied the entire sink was soaped, he turned the water on full blast.

To his uttermost delight, the sink entirely filled with frothy **bubbles**. He stuck his finger into it, and grinned when the bubbles didn't pop.

But, when you're immature as Envy is, one sink full of bubbles isn't enough to amuse you for long.

After digging around in the drawers under the sink for a moment, he came across a plastic cup, which he filled with water. Then, he flipped the lid of the soap dispenser …

Ed sat quietly on the edge of the bed, chewing the end of the pencil. He had come to a full stop, and didn't know how to continue it. Getting writers block at a time like this definitely wasn't one of the most wanted of all things, he found himself thinking, before smacking his head down onto the bedside table in defeat.

It was then when he noticed a bubble floating in front of his face, barely millimetres away from his nose. He stared at it for a moment, almost going cross-eyed, before slowly raising one automail arm, and popping it.

'_The hell…?' _He found himself thinking, and then a sudden sense of dread crept over him. He could hear noises coming from the bathroom…

"Envy…what's going on in there?" He called, slowly getting up and approaching the closed door.

"Nuffin!" Came the stubborn reply. "I'm amusing myself! Hurry up and finish! I don't wanna sleep alone!!"

Then, he heard the sound of something slipping, and a crash followed by a colourful stream of curse words that Nimyosa hasn't been able to write because of the rating of this story. Ed wrenched the door open as quick as he could, allowing it to slam against the wall on contact.

"Envy!? What happene—"

Ed's breath got caught in his throat when he saw the sight in front of him.

Envy hadn't just ended up using one cup. Oh no, after the amount of bubbles that one cup had made, Envy had gotten excited, and began pouring water in with a gusto. Now, the entire floor, most of the ceiling and walls, and almost everything else, was completely covered in a foot-tall layer of bubbles, and sitting on the floor, nursing a bruised backside, with one arm on the toilet lid, sat Envy, his face contorted his pain.

"Oww…! That hurt!" He snapped at no one in particular.

Ed stepped back, and then forward, and then back again, as though trying to figure out that to do. Help his lover, or run around in circles yelling abuse at him?

"Envy…what did…I mea…wagh…?" He stammered dumbly. Envy looked up and gave Ed his best 'Whoops' smile.

"Sorry, I guess I got carried away…"

"Carried away? CARRIED AWAY!? YOU IDIOT!!"

Envy cringed as Ed let vent to his rage. "YOU MORON!!! LOOK AT THE MESS YOU MADE!!!"

Ed strode in, his hands tugging at his hair and panting for breath as he continued his rant.

"WHEN I MEANT 'AMUSE' YOURSELF, I DIDN'T MEAN THIS!!! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND CAUSING CHAOS!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO SUCH THI—"

_SLIP!_

_CRASH!_

Envy shoved a soapy hand to his mouth to stop himself for laughing. Ed sat up, surrounded by the foam, and rubbed his head ruefully. During his ranting, he had failed to notice the floor had taken on a slippery state, and had slipped and landed right in front of the giggling homunculus.

"What!?" Ed snapped, rubbing the bump on his head. Envy scooped up a handful of soap and dumped it on top of Ed's head.

"You look so kawaii when you're angry." Envy smiled. Ed pawed the soap off of his face and tried to keep it straight, but it was hard work. Envy just sat there smiling, covered in a fine layer of foam and radiating obvious cheerfulness.

"But Envy…" Ed began to complain, sitting up, but Envy stopped him with another dollop of soap on top of his head.

"The more you talk, the more you look like an ice-cream sundae." Envy grinned. Ed sighed, realizing there was no winning this battle.

"Fine, but if you get to throw soap on me, I get to as well!"

"Eh!?" Envy managed to cry before Ed threw himself onto him, tossing them both onto the soapy floor where they began wrestling in the soap.

Ed began to laugh as he sat on top of Envy, who was lying facedown on the floor. The sin lifted his head and spat out a generous mouthful of the white foam, and then skilfully bucked his hips, knocking Ed over. Ed didn't even get to register what had happened before Envy was sitting on top of him, straddling him playfully.

"Envy…get off." Ed laughed and shoved his soap-splattered hands into Envy's chest, knocking the sin off.

Ed sat up panting, and wiped soap from his eyes. Envy did similar.

"Wow…that was fun…" Ed grinned cheesily. Envy nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah…pity we have to clean it all up though…we're made an even bigger mess than before."

Ed cast a glance around, and then grabbed two towels from the towel-rack beside him. He threw one to Envy.

"You start cleaning the walls, I'll do the floor, and then we'll do the ceiling together. Agreed?" He held his hand out to pull the homunculus to his feet.

"Agreed." Envy said, and took Ed's hand.

Between the two of them, Ed and Envy actually managed to clean the room within the hour. Some spots neither of them could reach, like certain places of the ceiling, in which Envy then picked up Ed with ease and patiently stood still as Ed stood on his shoulders with the sin holding his calves so that he didn't overbalance and kill himself. Humans, as he remembered, where not extremely hardly creatures, and it seemed best not to let his Edo kill himself over something as stupid as a bathroom full of soap.

Afterwards, Ed firmly told Envy to get out of his wet clothes. Envy looked down at his attire.

"It'll dry soon enough." He shrugged. Ed held his hands on his hips and shook his head. Wordlessly, he went to his suitcase and pulled out a spare pair of boxers and threw them at Envy. The homunculus caught them with arched eyebrows.

"Suggesting something?"

Just get out of your wet clothes. If you get into the bed all wet, you'll give me a cold, and I wont do well tomorrow." The blond gave the sin a smile, and closed the bathroom door behind him to give his partner some privacy.

As soon as the door closed, Envy made a sour face in the mirror and started by gripping the bottom of his tank top. Pulling it off became quite a hassle, because, like all wet leather, he got firmly stuck and began to struggle a bit. At one stage, he passed out from lack of air and suffocated, but as soon as his body managed to get back to work he made short work of the wet cloth. His skort was a hassle too, finding it amazingly hard to pull down his slender legs. Never had he ever had a problem with taking clothes off, and he actually felt glad he and Ed hadn't decided to 'get it on'. Ed would have had his work cut out for him trying to get those clothes off!!

Smiling to himself at the thought of Ed struggling with Envy's skort, he pulled on the red boxers and looked at himself, standing on the toilet seat to get a better view of his body.

He stood to the side, frowning slightly. He was beginning to get out of shape. Though as thin as ever, being on a temporary truce with the military meant that he hadn't gotten much exercise lately. He sighed and stood facing the mirror again. You can't have everything…

"Man these boxers clash with my hair colour…" He muttered and hopped off the toilet to open the door.

Ed was right where he left him: sitting on the edge of the bed, furiously scribbling down notes on the scraps of paper he had managed to assemble from the bottom of his suitcase. He would do a better copy later on the train, he said.

Envy flicked the light switch off and walked over to the window. The storm had died down. All that was left was the thick sheets of rain, hardly even visible to his acute sight, far greater than that of a human. He narrowed his eyes a bit, managing to sight various parts of the downfall, before checking the latch was closed properly and drawing the curtains. Behind him, Ed threw his pen at the wall, cursing brightly at the crap quality of military-issued stationery.

Envy crawled onto the bed and pulled the covers back, before lying down on his side with his hands lying on top of each other an inch from his face. Ed's back was silhouetted by the lamplight, and made him look strangely larger.

As time passed, Envy's eyelids began to droop. Usually, the need for sleep was non-existent, but after such a long journey from Risembul to Central, and then that bubble fight, he found his energy almost completely gone.

It was hours later when he finally slipped into a light slumber.

Ed glanced over at the alarm clock, and then t Envy. The alarm read 1:14. Envy had finally fallen asleep, and he smiled softly. The sin looked so peaceful when he slept. None of the murder and hatred and sadism had even left their traces upon his finely chosen features.

He looked back down at his work. He had written four pages of notes. That was more than enough to last him the train-trip tomorrow. With a content sigh, he stretched his arms above his head and snapped the book shut.

He stripped down to his boxers and shut the light, crawling into the bed beside his lover. He rested his forehead against Envy's, and smiled softly.

"Envy? You awake…?" He whispered. Envy's eyelids battered for a moment, and then he half-opened his amazing amethyst eyes.

"Hm..? Hey…you came to bed…" He murmured sleepily and yawned, arching his body in a cat-like manner against Ed's, before lazily wrapping his arms around the blonde's shoulders into a hug.

"Yeah…I'm done now. I'll finish it in the morning." Ed answered and did the same.

Envy was quiet for a moment, and then he rested his head against Ed's chest and sighed slowly, making Ed worry slightly. Envy did that rarely, and only if he was in distress.

"I'm sorry…" Envy whispered.

"Eh? What for?" Ed answered, puzzlement showing in his golden eyes.

"I always get in your way, and you always have to clean up after me. Like tonight, if I hadn't come, you wouldn't have lost so much time cleaning up."

Ed chuckled softly. That was what he had been worried about?

"Aw Envy…if you hadn't come, I wouldn't have had so much fun. And I would have had to sleep by myself in this old, shabby hotel room."

Envy relaxed after a moment, and then buried his face in the crook of Ed's neck.

"I'm glad you think that way…" He whispered. "Goodnight Edo…"

Ed smiled into Envy's brackish hair.

"Goodnight Envy…"

He got no reply, because Envy had already fallen asleep, his gentle breathing warm against Ed's bare collarbone. Instinctively, he hugged the Homunculus closer to his body as a sign of protection, and slowly closed his eyes, the last thing he remembered being the warm feeling of Envy's body pressed against his own.

And his last thoughts where these:

'_Maybe hotel rooms aren't that bad after all…' _


End file.
